yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
