Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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