i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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