Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
