so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
