saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
