Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
