just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i came on her dog
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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