ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
