I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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