I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need to sanitize my soul.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
