you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
