This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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