??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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