So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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