You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
