so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
