Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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