omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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