Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
