i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
