Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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