I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
