i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
