Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
