so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
