My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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