I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
