so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
