my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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