Apparently you make a good broom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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