I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize
