I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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