you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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