My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
