I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
