I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize