he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
