no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
