I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
