Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
