4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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