what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
