Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
