Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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