In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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