Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
