You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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