I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
