Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
