How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
