i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
