I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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