Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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