he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
