I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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