I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize