I wish my penis had an off switch
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
