it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
