nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
