I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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