Your face is a jimmy john
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
