I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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