How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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