Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
