Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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