o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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