One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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