dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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