can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
