Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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