im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
