What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
