If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
