bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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