she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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