Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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