I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
