Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
