You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
