dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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