no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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