she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
